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Saturday, May 12, 2007

I'm lost in the forest without a compass to show me the way out. I can't seem to break the barrier and look forward to my future. Instead my mind kept reminiscing about the past. I knew it wanted to escape. Sam was right in the way that waiting for SMU reply was just an excuse for me to avoid making a decision. Sometimes i feel so tired tt i ask myself if i have the energy to go on.

Went back to sch today and talked to several lecturers and my mind is still in the whirl. I realised that i lacked the courage to go one step further in my life, to grow up and face the reality. SP seems unfamilar to me- the ppl, the spots tt we usually go and the food tt we usually eat. Everything is just so different.

Came back from dinner with the gals and my mum starts to talk abt uni again. Truthfully i'm sick of this topic as its the most talked about and discussed topic in my family. Everyone was asking me abt my decision and reassuring me tt they would respect it. Haiz..but i dun realli see the point when they made it so clear as to where they want me to go. I rmb saying that i rather be a passenger than a pilot because a direction is set for u. However, when tt really happens, i realised tt it is not really a good thing after all. I'm contridicting and fickle minded.

Putting aside all the serious stuff. Todae was a shoe hunting day for Ms Wu and the three princesses sat at Billy Bombers for 4 hrs!!! Haha...i'm amazed tt we didn't get chased out. My hair now smell of Billy Bombers even though i shampooed it twice.

I wasn't able to upload the pics taken todae as blogger is in the bad mood :(

existencia@12:22 AM
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Monday, May 07, 2007

Craves.....

1. ROTI PRATA WITH EGG !!!!!!
Ever since i started working at Gio, roti prata has been missing in my life. Haha..wanted to eat it for supper but i decided to drop the idea after calculating the amt of calories and fats that i'm risking. I swear that i will eat it by THIS WEEK!!!!

2. SPIDEY 3 !!!!
Heard from my friend tt its superb.However the movie is 2 1/2 hrs long. I think my butt will hurt from the long hours of sitting.

3. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SEA- AT THE WORLD'S END !!!!
Besides Harry Potter, this is the most awaited movie tt i'm looking forward to. I just love Jack Sparrow. His humour and quirky actions never fail to make me laugh. It will be screened on May 27 (i think). Haha i most quickly drag ppl to watch it with me :)

4. A SUPER COLD AIRCON AT MY STORE
The weather has been very bad these few days and the worse thing is tt the aircon at my store is not cold at all. It not only made me lethargic but it made my head hurts. Everyday at the store is like a sauna. The bright side of it- i may lose some weight from all the sweating.

existencia@8:11 PM
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Thursday, May 03, 2007

I'm becoming a more qualified actress as days go by. Everyday i report to work and smile at people who irritate me. I have to put on a super fake nice tone when speaking to customers and act friendly to people whom i've barely know. Although there are really some great buds at my working place but sometimes i feel so fake. Its not that i wanted to lie and keep my true self behind a mask, its just that i couldn't help it. I realised that life isn't that simple and pure anymore. Hope that i can find a way to balance my true self and my fake front. So dear friends, if u find that i'm acting weird, pls do pardon me. I just need some time to take down the mask.

The feeling of emptiness is hard to bear so i've decided to read through some inspirational quotes to motivate me- even if its just a little :) So here are some that strike me the most:

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." ~Albert Einstein
I guess that would make u more satisfied and cherish what u have. Sometimes having less expectation may mean a less stressful lifestyle. But no expectations may cause u to waste your life away.

"In life you are either a passenger or a pilot... it is your choice." I think i'm purely lazy and aimless cos i would choose to be a passenger. The direction and destination are all planned out for u. But the fallback is that others are controlling your life. Sometimes i wonder what is worse- You controlling a life that u have utterly no direction for or others planning out a route that u may not like it.

existencia@10:32 PM
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